


Desperation

by Rebekah_Zellers



Category: NCIS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-15 00:27:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16051703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rebekah_Zellers/pseuds/Rebekah_Zellers
Summary: Tony’s world is left in ashes ...





	1. Chapter 1

Tony felt lost, he felt like his whole world was crashing down around him. There was a vast blackness that was consuming him and he felt like he was merely adrift in the sea of darkness. Sitting in the silence of the night, the stars blinking above his head, the man that was usually full of jokes, stories, and movie references was quiet; his world changed by someone’s neglect.

 

He sat on a chair in the midst of what remained of his apartment building holding the charred bowl that once contained his two cherished fish, Kate and Ziva. Just like their namesake, they were gone. Of course, he knew that someday they would perish. Logically, he knew fish didn’t live forever but to die in a fire; flames consuming them until the water boiled and killed them. Tears streaked down his soot covered face, his despair barely contained.

 

“I saw it on the news,” Ducky said softly to the woman he recognized as one of Tony’s friends. “Jethro is on his way too. Any injuries?”

 

“His father,” Sarah whispered. “We can’t find his father. The firemen are combing through the debris for survivors and victims. He lost his fish; I can’t get him to let go of the bowl. I finally got him to sit down on a chair that I found. He refused treatment, I am worried about his lungs. He was helping people out while trying to find his father.”

 

Gibbs jumped from the car as it stopped unsure what he was walking into but very sure that Tony needed him. Looking around at the charred remains of the building, his eyes finally settled on Ducky and Sarah before moving to Tony. Something that he couldn’t explain or describe kept him from running to his agent. Perhaps it was the agony that was evident in his body language or the fear of not knowing exactly what to say.

 

“Jethro,” Ducky moved to his old friend. “We need to get him out of here and a good dose of oxygen on him just to make sure his lungs are okay. Bradley is already on his way; he was devastated to hear about the fire and wants to be here as a friend and a doctor.”

 

“What’s he got in his hand?” Gibbs pointed to his boy.

 

“The fish bowl,” Sarah said softly. “He tried to get to them but the flames stopped him. I think he’s in shock.”

 

“I’ll get him.” Brad said softly as he walked up on the conversation. “See if you can find something we can get him to lay down on. It will be easier on his breathing.”

 

“I’ll get one of the EMTs to help.” Sarah took off like a flash while Brad made his way across the parking lot to his friend.

 

“Tony?” Brad moved closer. “Let’s get you out of here, buddy.”

 

Shaking his head no, Tony hugged the fish bowl closer as he stared unfocused at the charred shambles in front of him. He wasn’t budging; he couldn’t even make himself move. In his head he knew that he needed to go with Brad, he could hear himself wheezing. In his heart, he wanted to go through the rubble piece by piece to rescue his father.

 

“DiNozzo?” Gibbs joined Brad when he realized Tony wasn’t moving. “Come on, Tony. Let’s get you a breathing treatment and then we’ll figure out what is next.”

 

Clutching the bowl tighter, Tony allowed Gibbs and Brad to help him from the chair. They supported a great deal of his weight as they maneuvered across the debris towards the ambulance that was waiting.

 

As soon as Tony’s mind clicked on the ambulance, he began to struggle against the two men determined he wasn’t going to the hospital. “Tony,” Gibbs snapped with an anguished cry as he pulled his young man to him. “We’re just getting you oxygen, son. We’re not taking you to the hospital. Calm down, ok?”

 

Jethro could not only hear the wheezing his younger friend was doing but he could feel the other man’s heart pounding. Signaling the gurney, they gently lowered him onto it and placed and oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

 

“I'll get my bag,” Brad moved away cautiously almost as if unsure Tony could manage to not fall from the gurney.

 

 

“Anthony,” Ducky’s voice pulled Tony from his fog. “Why don’t you let me hold the fish bowl for you.”

 

Pulling it tighter to him, Tony used what little energy he had to keep his hold on the bowl. He wasn’t going to let anything happen to his treasure.

 

“Tony?” Jimmy’s voice carried through the fog. “How are you doing?”

 

“Not too good,” Tony’s eyes filled with tears as he handed the fish bowl over. “They’re gone, Jimmy.”

 

“I know,” Palmer gently wiped the tear that managed to escape. “I’m going to take very good care of this while Dr. Pitt looks you over.”

 

“My father,” Tony pointed to the pile of burned rubble. “He was in there. I couldn’t get to him.”

 

“You tried,” Palmer handed the fish bowl to Ducky and stooped by Tony’s ear. Gently running his fingers through Tony’s hair, the younger man gave his friend his all. “You risked your life to save all these people; you are a hero. You tried to get to your father, Tony. You gave it more than your all; he would be touched by how much you were willing to sacrifice for him.”

 

“He’s dead.” Tony sobbed and three men watching battled not to join him. “He’s dead.”

 

“Slow down your breathing, buddy. Come on, take it slow.” Brad coached as he listened to Tony’s lungs. “Tony, you have to slow it down.”

 

“He’s starting to panic,” Ducky pulled a syringe and a vial of medication from his bag. 

 

“Go ahead,” Brad called as he put a hand on each side of Tony’s face. “Buckeye, stop it!”

 

The slap to the top of the head startled Tony enough to listen. “Listen to Brad,” Gibbs ordered watching as Tony struggled to obey through the grief and despair. “Relax, Tony. Just take it easy; nobody is going anywhere. Right here with you, DiNozzo.”

 

“Boss?” Tony struggled as the medication started to work. “Screwed up, let him die.”

 

“You didn’t screw up, Tony.” Gibbs squeezed the younger man’s shoulder. “You tried with all you had; gave more than any other man would have given. I’m proud of you.”

 

“We can transport him whenever you are ready, Dr. Pitt.” The EMT was ready to take the distraught man on the gurney to the hospital. “You can ride with him if you like.”

 

“Let’s go,” Brad’s heart broke for his friend. He didn’t want Tony to wake up in the hospital but he had no clue how much damage he had done during the actual fire. “I want to check him head to toe, get a MRI then we’ll get him out of here. I will follow you but if you need me pull over; I will stay on your tail.”

 

“Jethro,” Ducky pulled Gibbs aside as Palmer jumped into the ambulance with Tony. “That dear boy will let this eat at him; he’s already so lost in the guilt and pain. Could there be any possibility that his father escaped this fire?”

 

“Not sure, Duck. You go to the hospital; keep an eye on Tony for me. I am going to go talk to the fire chief see what he has to say.” 

 

A long talk with the fire chief left Gibbs satisfied that the man would notify him the moment had he had some answers. In his head, the senior agent knew it could take days to get what he needed but in his heart he had hoped for much quicker results.

 

“Jethro,” Ducky looked relieved to see his old friend walk into the hospital. “He’s been calling out for you in his sleep. Seems his mind has changed the events and he can’t find you in the fire.”

 

Making his way into Tony’s room, Gibbs heart shattered as Tony thrashed on the bed his hoarse voice calling out for Gibbs. “Tony?” Gibbs put his mouth to the younger man’s ear. “I’m right here with you; not in the fire. Listen to me, they put the fire out. The fire is out Tony; I’m just fine.”

 

“Boss?” Tony’s eyes were like glue as he struggled through the drugged fog to open them. “That you, Boss?”

 

“Right here,” Gibbs grabbed the hand closest to him that was groping for something substantial to confirm that he was alive. “Right here, Tony. Listen to me, I need you to relax. Gotta give those lungs a break, Tony.”

 

“He inhaled a lot of smoke, Jethro.” Brad walked into the room. “I want to keep him on oxygen, we’ll do breathing treatments at regular intervals but rest is what is most important for him. While I think he should have round the clock care; he’s not resting here. Ducky and Jimmy are picking up the items I ordered. Abby and Tim are working on getting him some clothing; I suggested mostly pajamas and underclothing. Your director is talking to his insurance company to try to speed along the process so that he can start replacing things like his movies, clothing and such. We’re all pitching it; he’s a special guy.”

 

“We’re going to my house,” Gibbs said firmly.

 

“Hospital bed is being delivered about now,” Pitt explained. “He needs to sleep on an incline and no amount of pillows can achieve what a hospital bed can achieve. Breena, Ellie and Jake are stocking your cupboards and fridge. There will also be many surprises when you get him home.”

 

“How are we getting him home?” Gibbs looked at the sleep man that was clutching his hand like it was a lifeline. “Don’t know that any of our vehicles can hold the oxygen and keep him from falling over and getting hurt.”

 

“I arranged a private ambulance,” Vance said softly as he walked into the hospital room. “Until we know exactly how and why that fire started, I do not want to take any chances. There will be agents outside your home, agents inside your home. Your team is setting up schedules so that they can rotate to help you with him medical needs. Jared and Kayla want to help; so do I.”

 

“No,” Tony mumbled. “Too much trouble; stop them Boss.”

 

“Rest,” Gibbs ordered quietly. “I’ve got your six.”

 

“Bring sleeping bags,” Gibbs smirked. “Going to get cozy.”

 

"Gibbs?" Tony pulled on his friend’s hand as he struggled to wake up. “It’s all real isn’t it? He’s dead?”

 

“Right now, I want you to concentrate on what we know.” Gibbs placed his hand on Tony’s head and gently caressed his forehead with his thumb. “There was a fire, your father hasn’t been found. You need to rest right now; Brad’s keeping an eye on your lungs but we’re going to take you back to my house.”

 

“Going home,” Tony sighed. “Want to go home.”

 

“Very soon,” Gibbs promised.


	2. Chapter 2

“Bradley?” Ducky made his way to the nurse’s station after check in on his younger friend. “How long do you plan to keep Anthony sedated?”

 

“You did the initial sedation.” Brad teased. “I am going to keep him drugged up for at least twenty-four hours. He gets more benefit from the breathing treatments at this level of consciousness. When he comes around, he’s groggy and complies with instructions so he’ll eat and drink for us much easier.”

 

“A deeper level of sedation for the transition back to Jethro’s home?” Ducky looked over the discharge instructions. “That is most wise as the lad may wake up mid-journey and be confused by his mode of transportation.”

 

“The ambulance is here if everything at the house is ready.” Brad pointed to the attendants coming down the hallway.

 

“It is,” Ducky turned to go to the room. “We took Jethro’s truck home earlier so he could ride with Anthony in the ambulance. All the equipment is set up in the living room; we even managed to hang a privacy screen; he’ll be very comfortable.”

 

“Our surprises are waiting?” Brad questioned; he was trying to make sure everything was in place. “I will be right behind you; I want to help get him set up and comfortable. I also want to show those that will be doing the primary care how to change the bandage and what to watch for. He was lucky, his burns are not severe but they are enough to be uncomfortable if not medicated and cared for.”

 

“He is a hero,” Ducky smiled. “Last report from that dear Sarah, all the tenants managed to get out. The only one unaccounted for is his father, I am afraid.”

 

“For Tony’s sake, I hope he shows up. However, I am not sure what is going to happen if he does.” Brad shook his head in disgust. “If it wasn’t for the fact that Tony is gutted by this; I wish he wouldn’t come back.”

 

The ambulance ride to Gibbs’ house went smoothly, Tony sleeping through the whole journey even when he was settled into his bed at Gibbs’ home. By the time he woke, there was a soft buzz of activity that pulled him toward consciousness.

 

“Hey,” Gibbs was at Tony’s side immediately. “Need the head?”

 

Nodding, Tony looked around confused trying to put together how he go from his burned down apartment building to Gibbs’ home and what happened in between. “How did I get here?”

 

“Long story,” Gibbs whispered as he removed the oxygen and placed the tubing on the pillow. “Head first then I will fill you in.” The journey to the bathroom was uneventful and much to Tony’s relief he didn’t need much help getting there.

 

The return trip provided a different view and he took in the living room which seemed to have been transformed into his bedroom from what he could gather. In the corner was a large TV, beside that was a video cabinet filled with DVDs. A DVD player adorned the TV stand which the TV rested on. Walking around the room with Gibbs at his elbow to steady him, Tony’s eyes filled with tears as he looked at all the pictures that had somehow been saved from the fire. The picture of his mother stood out in clear view just as it had in his apartment. Walking to the bed, Tony noticed for the first time since waking the fish bowl that had been warped by the fire. It sat beautifully at this bedside with two fish swimming in it. Upon closer look, he could have sworn those were his fish; the fish that had died in the fire. 

 

“Feet up,” Gibbs helped his younger friend get tucked back in. “Oxygen has to go on, Tony. Brad’s in and out but the one thing he’s adamant about is the oxygen stays on and your breathing treatments.”

 

“And we have to change the bandages on your arms and leg.” Palmer smiled as he watched Tony’s eyes drift back to his fish. 

 

“You did this,” Tony pointed to the fish bowl. 

 

“I did,” Palmer was feeling a bit nervous. “Not to hurt you, Tony. I would never do anything to hurt you. I wanted you to have your treasures back. The rest of the things we can replace; I know it’s not the same but I know that Kate and Ziva would both be glad you are okay and would want you to replace the fish to preserve the memories.”

 

“Thank you,” Tony whispered through the tears. “Did anyone else die in the fire? I tried to get every one out.”

 

“Every one of the tenants is present and accounted for.” Palmer smiled. “Pets and people are safe. They are also very grateful to you.”

 

“Did they find my father’s remains?” Tony choked on the words as they left his mouth.

 

“No,” Gibbs moved to sit with his new housemate. “They are still looking through the rubble but there is not a single sign of him. Tony, is it possible he was not there?”

 

“He said he was cooking us dinner,” Tony searched his memory for exactly what his father said. “I was on my way home, he called and said he was making us dinner and asked me to stop and pick up a bottle of wine.” Tony’s breathing started to come in short pants causing Palmer and Gibbs to both jump to action.

 

“DiNozzo,” Gibbs snapped Tony’s name. “Look at me.”

 

Taking Tony’s face between his hands, Jethro made Tony’s focus turn onto him while Palmer increased the oxygen and got his inhaler ready. “That’s it, Tony.” Palmer praised. “Even it out, my friend.”

 

“When I got to my apartment building,” Tony started to tremble. “The building was in flames and I couldn’t get up to my apartment.”

 

“Could he have gone out?” Palmer pressed gently. “Is it possible he left the building for some reason? They searched the debris that was your apartment, Tony. They didn’t find anything.”

 

“How did the fire start?” Tony questioned his eyes filling with tears once again; why couldn’t he control his emotions better; he was feeling so vulnerable and out of sorts; not controlled like he normally felt.

 

“Gas leak,” Gibbs confirmed. “It started in the apartment down the hallway from you; the vacant one they are saying.”

 

"Tony?” Kayla walked into the living room where her buddy was resting. “I made you some cookies. I know it doesn’t fix anything but.”

 

“What kind of cookies?” Tony’s face brightened at the sight of Kayla and Jared. “I love cookies.”

 

“We made you sugar cookies and chocolate chip ones too.” Jared stood proud holding a glass of chocolate milk. “Got you chocolate milk too; you said it you’re going to drink milk it’s gotta be…”

 

“Chocolate,” Tony laughed. “I can’t believe you remembered that.”

 

“I remember everything you taught me,” Jared beamed. “Want to play poker?”

 

“Hey, I am a sick man.” Tony snickered. “You really going to clean out a sick man?”

 

“I could go easy on you,” Jared smiled big. “We could play scrabble. Yeah! Scrabble! Me, you and Kayla against my dad, Abby and Tim. Agent Gibbs, Dr. Mallard and Jimmy on the other team and then Jake, Ellie and Breena on the last team.”

 

“The winners get to be pampered by all the losers,” Kayla piped in. “Ice cream, cake, pizza and they have to watch the movie the winner picks out with complaining.”

 

“I’m ready.” Tony laughed. “Not sure how long I can sit up to do this but we can always pause the game if we need to.”

 

“Nope,” Jared winked. “I have this all figured out, man.” Gibbs and Jared moved the kitchen table so it was by Tony’s bed while everyone else settled in to play on their teams. Tony’s mind stayed on the game through his breathing treatment; long into the evening while the group continued to keep vigil over him.

 

“What’s going on in here?” Brad questioned as he walked in to see his patient in private conference with his team.

 

“Anthony’s team is kicking our proverbial butts at scrabble,” Ducky joked watching carefully as Brad tried to contain his irritation. “Our patient was resting while playing the game, doctor. He actually was so deep in concentration that his breathing treatment went splendidly.”

 

“Let me listen to your lungs,” Brad sighed. “Make sure you have not done any damage. Gibbs there is a man outside that wants to talk to you. I told him to come in but he said you would prefer if he didn’t.”

 

“Boss?” Tim reached for his gun.

 

“Stand down McGee,” Gibbs double checked out the window. “It’s personal not someone trying to kill me this time.”

 

“It is somewhat disturbing that you have to clarify that,” Breena commented.

 

Stepping outside, Gibbs immediately walked the fire chief down the sidewalk and away from curious eyes. “What did you find?”

 

“No sign of Mr. DiNozzo. Tony’s apartment was damaged heavily but we should have found something. We combed through everything in his apartment; no sign of another human having been there. We were able to recover a few things that will need cleaned up. I will have them sent over tomorrow. You should know that the woman that lived across the hall from you agent, she is rather observant. She states that his father left around 4 p.m. and did not return. Did anyone try calling him?”

 

Grunting at the suggestion, Gibbs pulled his phone from his pocket and placed the call as suggested. Deep down, he wasn’t sure if he hoped that he answered or wished that he wouldn’t. 

 

“Hello?” The voice of a giggling female answered the phone.

 

“I’m looking for Anthony DiNozzo.” Gibbs gritted out between clenched teeth.


	3. Chapter 3

What are you doing with his phone?” A stern voice in the background alerted Gibbs to the fact that Senior had more than one woman with him. “Give me that.”

 

“Hello?” That stern voice; it was somewhat familiar but Gibbs could not place it. “This is Nurse Elizabeth Murphy at University Hospital. May I help you?”

 

“This is Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS. I am looking for Anthony DiNozzo.” Gibbs could feel a slight panic grow in his chest; why was Senior’s phone being answered by a nurse. Had he somehow managed to escape the fire and landed in the hospital as a result? People go undetected all the time; it was possible.

 

“Agent Gibbs,” Nurse Murphy gasped. “It’s been a long time. It’s Ellie. I took care of you when you got shot in the neck in the diner.”

 

Of course, that was why he recognized the voice. “Can you give me an idea as to what happened? Was he in the fire?”

 

“He was brought in from a bakery,” Ellie explained. “The report says he was buying a cake and some cookies when he suddenly fell to the ground having a seizure. He fell unconscious afterwards; we’ve only been able to wake him long enough to get a groan from him that’s all.”

 

“I need to get back to his son; need to let him know. Can you call me with updates? His son is not well enough to travel at the moment but we will get him there as soon as possible.”

 

“Agent Gibbs,” Ellie interrupted. “I expect my patient to work through the after effects of the seizure. They did some tests to see what caused it; they will have him on his feet possibly before your boy is.”

 

“Keep me posted,” Gibbs grunted as he shut the phone. Hurrying into the house, Gibbs stopped short at the door while he watched Kayla help Tony with his breathing treatment. “He okay?”

 

“Yes,” Brad nodded. “She’s showing some interest in nursing so we wanted her to give this a whirl; see what she thinks.”

 

“Oh,’ Gibbs paused long enough to catch Palmer’s attention as he pulled at Brad’s sleeve. Walking into the kitchen, the Senior agent filled in the two men with the information that he had.

 

“You have to tell him but he will want to go to the hospital.” Brad growled. “He can’t go in his current condition, Gibbs. He will pick up something worse than this; we’ll have a total mess on our hands.”

 

“I will handle this,” Palmer made his way into the living room. “Tony, I need to talk to you for a minute. Think you can focus and stay awake for a while?” Pleased to receive a nod, Palmer sat down next to his friend and placed a gentle hand on his arm. “Your father is alive but he is in the hospital. They believe he had a seizure while he was at the bakery. The doctors ran some tests, they will have the results in the morning. He’s sleeping peacefully right now; his body recovering. I am going to go check on him for you but you have to promise me that you will rest and listen to what Gibbs and the others are telling you.”

 

“I promise,” Tony’s eyes filled with tears. “He’s really okay?”

 

“He is,” Palmer nodded. “I will be back after I see him; I will wake you up to give you a report. Let’s get you tucked in; I want you to sleep. Promise me that you are going to sleep, Tony.”

 

“I will try,” Tony nodded; his eyes filled with sadness but a glimmer of hope shining through. “Could you text or call when you see him? Just so I know; you can tell me more later.”

 

“I will do that,” Palmer promised. “Now, you take your medicine and sleep; do everything that they tell you. If you have any problems, you have Kayla or Jared call me. I will come right back to you. Got it?”

 

“We can do that,” the kids said in unison as they sat down at Tony’s bedside.

 

“We’ll make sure he takes his medicine, drinks, sleeps and even eats a little if you are not back.” Kayla spoke up for herself and her brother. “You can count on us.”

 

Palmer stood at the door with Gibbs as his side watching as Kayla and Jared both fussed over Tony. His restlessness didn’t go unnoticed by the brother and sister as they gently curled up next to him both taking turns to tell him stories from books their later mother used to read them. Whether it was the warmth and love or the low soothing tone of their voices, nobody was sure but soon their patient was deeply asleep getting the blessed rest he needed for his body to recover.

 

Senior was awake when Palmer arrived at the hospital. Seeing Jimmy from the window, Senior started to become agitated, upset. He expected his son; he wanted and needed his son. Seeing that he sent one of his friends caused fear to surge through the ailing man. “What’s wrong with Anthony?”

 

“His apartment building caught on fire,” Palmer explained as he moved a chair to sit next to the man. “He inhaled a great deal of smoke helping everyone out; he was trying to get to you. Tony thought that you were in his apartment cooking dinner for him. He fought the smoke until he couldn’t handle it any more. Up until an hour ago, he thought you died in that fire.”

 

“What?” Senior struggled to get out of the bed. “I want to see my son.”

 

“He’s with Gibbs,” Palmer explained. “We got his doctor to release him to go home with Gibbs. The whole team is there taking care of him, even the director and his children. He’s going to be okay but he needs to rest and we cannot expose him to anything. When he’s able, we’ll get him here or you to him. Just rest.”

 

“I need to talk to him,” Senior’s face flashed a raw agony that made Palmer’s heart flip. He truly was in a panic for his son. “Please, Jimmy can I speak to him?”

 

“I’ll see what I can do.” Jimmy made his way out to the nurse’s station to see if he could arrange a phone call. Returning to the cubicle, the younger man sat down and took Senior’s hand in his own. “Just try to relax, they are going to bring a phone in. Now, I want you to tell me why you were at that bakery?”

 

“I was picking up a birthday cake for my son,” Senior struggled not to cry. “I have missed so many birthdays and holidays. I was trying to do this one right. I don’t know what happened. When I walked in; there was a smell that made me feel sick next thing I know I woke up here.”

 

“It is possible that the smell triggered your seizure,” Palmer soothed. “We’ll tell your doctor when they make their rounds see if we can’t help you out of here with some information. Have you ever had seizures before?”

 

“Never,” Senior shook his head. “Don’t really want to have another one. Can you see how they are coming with the phone?”

 

“I’m right here,” Ellie walked in carrying the much desired phone. “You sure you want to do this?”

 

“Yes,” Senior grabbed for the phone before they could take it away.

 

“Stop,” Palmer eased the phone from his hand. “Let’s call my wife,” Palmer smiled. “See how he’s doing, we’ll get an update then if he is not sleeping you can speak to him. Now, if he is asleep, they may say no.”

 

“I understand,” AD nodded, his hands were starting to shake with nerves as Jimmy dialed the phone. “How is he?” The anxious man started questioning before the call even connected.

 

“Breena?” Palmer greeted his wife. “I’m with Tony’s father; he’s awake and worried about his son. How is he? Good. Did he eat anything? Oh.. Is he awake? Good, let me give his father the phone while you help Tony with yours.”

 

“Junior?” Senior’s voice was anxious. “Son?”

 

“Dad?” Tony’s voice was a cracked whisper on the other end. “Dad?”

 

“I’m here, son. I’m here. I’m so sorry, Anthony. I was getting you a birthday cake; I thought I would be back from picking it up. Are you okay?”

 

“God dad,” Tony gasped. “You would have died if you had been back. You could have died in my apartment. I thought I lost you; I thought you were gone. I tried, I couldn’t get to you. The smoke was too much, I tried.”

 

“Calm down, son. They will make me hang up if you don’t calm down.” Senior struggled to keep his breathing and emotions under control. “I want you to relax, Tony. They will take the phone away if you don’t calm down.”

 

“Mr. Dinozzo?” Breena’s voice filled his ear. “We’re giving him his inhaler’s now; give us a minute, sir. We’ll get him back on the phone as soon as we calm his breathing down.”

 

“Tony,’ Vance moved to sit behind the agent to hold him up. “Breathe that medicine in; come on. You can do this; relax those lungs of yours. One, two, three breathe. Good job, once more. You got it. Now, just relax for a minute; we’ll get your father back on the phone. Lean into me, I won’t let you fall. That’s it.”

 

“Boss?” Tony reached a blind hand for Gibbs. “Boss?”

 

“Right here,” Gibbs grabbed the hand and held it tight. “You’re okay. Listen to me, we’re going to give you the phone back but try to stay calm. Keep calm.”

 

“Dad?” Tony’s voice was strained; he badly needed to rest. “How are you?”

 

“I’m okay, son. They did some tests to figure out why I had the seizure. I don’t have any answers yet but I hope to be able to be with you soon. Listen Anthony, you just rest and get stronger. You do whatever they tell you to do; eat something, son. Please just be okay.”

 

“I need to see you.” Tony begged. “I have to make sure you are okay.”

 

“Not until you are strong enough or I am out of here whichever comes first.” Senior kept his eye on the door wanting a doctor so he could get some answers as to his discharge. “As soon as I am out of here, I will come to you.”

 

“Okay,” Tony could feel himself about to unravel. Seeing the change in his boy, Gibbs cleared the room with the nod of his head. Helping Vance slip from behind the ailing man, Jethro watched as they pulled the privacy screen around the bed. “I’ll see you soon.”

 

“You will,” Senior promised. “Son?”

 

“Yeah?” Tony held Gibbs’ hand tight.

 

“I love you, Anthony.” Senior hung up the phone as his emotional control slipped. With the click of the phone, the older man released the sob that he had barely managed to hold back unaware that his son was doing the same.

 

Gibbs held his friend tight allowing him some comfort as he rode out the storm of emotions. It didn’t take long before the ailing man was sound asleep against him; his breathing deep and even as the exhaustion from the emotions finally consumed him.

 

 

 

Note: bwahahahahahaha …. How was that for a twist? BOOM! Ha! I got you good!! *giggles*


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Notes:

Since we all love to hate senior........... this chapter is for all of us that don't trust the man.... :)

 

“Boss?” Tony called out before even opening his eyes. “Help.”

 

“What’s wrong?” Gibbs questioned as he hurried to Tony’s side. “I’m here; what’s wrong?”

 

“Can’t move my legs,” Tony started to panic as he reached out for his father figure. “I can’t move them.”

 

A moment of panic surged through Gibbs as he heard Tony’s heart felt plea for help. “Hold on,” Gibbs whispered as he forced himself to calm down. “I think I figured it out but you need to relax. I think you’re tangled up; that’s all.” There was a moment, a memory that rolled through the older man’s head of a time many years ago where he gently fixed the covers of his daughter; her dreams causing her to get all tangled up. “Okay, see if you can now.”

 

“Thank you,” it was a gasp of gratitude as the ailing man tried to calm himself down. “I feel like a child. I’m sorry Gibbs.”

 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, Tony. You’ve had a rough couple days; it’s okay to need someone. Let me be there for you, son. Let me shoulder this burden with you so you’re not alone.” Gibbs eased Tony to a sitting position and removed the oxygen before helping him to his feet. Slowly, they headed towards the bathroom the younger of the two allowing the words of his mentor to sink in.

 

The return trip was just as slow if not slower as Tony thought back on the things that Gibbs had said and also about his father’s phone call, the truth about is disappearance and the promise of future. “Is it wrong to still not trust him?” Tony questioned softly. “I just can’t bring myself to trust him. Something holds me back; I don’t really even know what it is.”

 

“Experience is the teacher of all things,” Gibbs gently wrapped his arm around Tony’s waist and guided him to a chair at the dining room table. “Let’s get some food into you and we’ll talk more.”

 

“I have it right here,” Kayla popped out of the kitchen carrying a bowl which almost made Tony want to cry; he was not in the mood for soup. “I made you my mom’s recipe for chicken and dumplings; I think it tastes just like hers.”

 

Tony hummed with pleasure as he ate making Kayla’s heart soar with joy. Vance stood in the background his gratitude showing in his features as he watched his daughter take such delight in helping the ill agent. The smile that was on her face had been missing since her mother’s murder. “This is fantastic,” Tony mumbled around a bite. “You and I are going to have to cook together sometime; you can teach me a few things.”

 

“Dr. Mallard says that I should get you to teach me how to make pasta sauce.” Kayla giggled. “He says that you make it for him by the jars because he loves it so much.”

 

“That’s our secret,” Tony winked. “Everyone around here thinks that I just eat pizza every night.”

 

“Agent Gibbs,” Kayla stood for a moment pondering if she was making a mistake. “Could I talk to Tony alone for a minute?” Nodding, Gibbs moved across the room to stand with Vance as he watched the young woman take his seat and her friend’s hand.

 

“What’s up?” Tony whispered as he closed his eyes for a moment totally exhausted. 

 

“Let’s get you to bed first,” Kayla expertly helped him up and together they walked to the bed neither one paying attention to Gibbs and Vance following close behind in case they needed to rescue the smaller woman. With Tony tucked in, Kayla sat on the edge of the bed with her patient’s hand in her own. “I know you are having a hard time thinking about what your father has done in the past and how you are feeling about thinking he was dead. My mom and I used to fight a lot; she called it teenager growing pains and then she was gone and I couldn’t even tell her that I was sorry. I am guessing that your father has hurt you a lot and that is very wrong of him. Just remember that no matter how he acts, he’s your father. I think as we grow up that we learn that we have to ignore what they say and try to forgive because someday they are gone.”

 

“You are right,” Tony sighed. “Some of the things he has done.” Turning his head, it was then that Kayla understood.

 

“He abused you?” Her sincerity brought tears to Tony’s eyes as he simply nodded. “Maybe your forgiveness will make him think about what he has done; maybe he will strive to seek your forgiveness. I know it sounds hard and big but I think what I am saying is do what you need to do so that you don’t have regrets when he is gone, Tony. You only have one chance to clear your conscience so that it doesn’t weigh you down the rest of your life.”

 

“How’d you get so smart and so beautiful?” Tony questioned softly as he squeezed Kayla’s hand.

 

“My mother,” Kayla giggled. “I learned more from her after she died that I thought was possible. Just don’t let his issues weigh you down, Tony. I heard what you said earlier, you don’t have to trust him. You don’t have to hand over your heart for him to hurt again. Just be careful, Tony. Just look around this house right now; we all love you. We’re here for you; you have friends and family.”

 

“She’s right,” Gibbs leaned over and kissed Kayla’s head before slipping the oxygen under Tony’s nose. “You have family beyond your father, Tony.”

 

Tony had just fallen back to sleep when Palmer returned from his vigil with Senior. His mind was cluttered with worry for his friend. He didn’t fully trust the older man not to hurt his friend and he really didn’t want to be the one to tell Tony what to do either. 

 

“Jimmy?” McGee made his way over to his colleague. “How was he really? Do you believe his story?”

 

“Rule 3,” Palmer sighed. “He was at the bakery, he did have a cake ordered.”

 

“But?” McGee pushed knowing there was something bugging the young man.

 

“I talked to the Fire Chief,” Palmer growled. “He told Tony that he was making dinner but there wasn’t anything out to show he was cooking. There were no pots or pans, nothing in the oven. Why did he lie about that?”

 

“Maybe he was going to start it when he got back?” Tim pushed gently seeing how upset Palmer was.

 

“There was no food in the fridge to make dinner.” Palmer glared in Tony’s direction. “Tony’s apartment sustained considerable damage but the damage to the kitchen wasn’t that bad. I went there after the hospital; they took me up to his apartment to look around a bit. His father wasn’t cooking dinner for him; I can’t even be certain the cake was for him.”

 

“He would lie about that?” Kayla questioned in a whisper as she looked at her sleeping friend. “He is so upset, so confused and feels guilty over not trusting him. He’s trying hard to be able to have some relationship with his father and that man would lie about where he was while his son is here sick because he thought he was trapped in that apartment and he wanted to get to him.”

 

“He would do that,” Tim sighed. “Tony’s father has made a career of lying to people and neglecting his son. I really don’t know what to make of it.”

 

“With his father,” Vance sighed. “You just accept the worst case scenario. Let’s not mention this part to DiNozzo; Gibbs and I will have a little talk with his father. You go get some rest, Palmer. You did a great job today.”

 

Tony slept soundly unaware of the conversations around him; his dreams replaying the fire. The images changes from searching for his father to searching for Gibbs, then Ducky and Palmer. His family was in jeopardy and he had to get to them; his dreams all too real to distinguish from reality. Throwing the covers off, Tony forced himself to focus despite the haze of sleep; he needed to get to his family.

 

“DiNozzo!” Gibbs shouted as he saw the man surge to his feet. “Tony? Stop!”

 

“We got to get you out, Boss. It’s so much smoke. Come on!” Grabbing Gibbs arm, Tony tugged on his friend until the older man moved. Gibbs willingly went to Tony hoping that he could get him back in bed before he could hurt himself. “Come on Gibbs! Stay with me!”

 

“I’m safe, Tony. You got me out.” Gibbs praised as he tried to urge Tony into bed only to find himself pushed out of the way as Tony went searching for his next friend. “Come back, Tony.”

 

“Got to get Ducky,” Tony pushed the furniture in the living room away stopping in front of the fireplace watching the flames for a brief moment before turning in circles in an effort to locate his friend. “DUCKY! OH GOD NO!”

 

“Anthony,” Ducky rushed to his patient’s side with Palmer beside him. “We’re safe; I am safe, dear boy. Let’s get back to safety; you lead the way. Jimmy is here too; we are both here.”

 

Tony pulled Ducky and Palmer towards where he knew he had left Gibbs. The two men followed him closely across the room ready to catch him if his exhaustion finally took him under. Brad watched his eyes filled with tears at the pure agony on his patient’s face. He loved this man like a brother; he had really bonded with him since his bought with Y-pestis many years ago. “I don’t know if I should sedate him or not.” Pitt as worried, heartbroken and at a loss as to what to do. The last thing he wanted to do was trap Tony in a nightmare he couldn’t escape.

 

“I’ve got him.” Gibbs called as he pulled Tony to his chest. “Tony,” Gibbs voice was soft and tender. “You’re having a dream, DiNozzo. It’s just a dream; everyone is safe. Wake up for me, Tony.”

 

Tony slumped exhausted against his father figure and the older man didn’t hesitate but to take his weight. Putting Tony back into bed, the older man moved to sit close and just let his friend know he was there. Sleep came easily and was peaceful for the ailing man giving everyone in the house a much needed break from their near constant worry.

 

“I’m going to go speak with a suspect,” Vance whispered as he headed for the door surprised when his daughter appeared with her coat. Nodding with approval, the authority figure made his way towards the hospital to interrogate Tony’s father or perhaps as angry as his daughter seemed, he’d simply be watching.


	5. Chapter 5

Kayla was quiet the entire drive to the hospital; her mind reviewing all the thing that Tony had revealed and those things that he didn’t. While he slept, Gibbs and Palmer had explained a bit more of the history between Tony and his father. The young woman’s anger was being fueled by things she didn’t know; the things she could imagine happening to her friend as he was a child.

 

By the time they parked the car, Vance watched his daughter as she took a deep breath in an effort to compose herself. “You sure you want to do this? I can go alone, baby girl. Tony will be touched that you were willing to do this for him.”

 

“Dad,” Kayla struggled not to cry. “I have to do this for Tony and for mom. Mom and I were fighting when she died but I know that loved me and she knew I loved her too. It was over something stupid but you know mom’s rule nobody ever leaves the house without saying I love you and apologizing even if sometimes we don’t really feel like it. The last words I said to my mother were I love you; those were the last words she said to me. I live with the guilt that we fought but I never have to wonder if she loved me like Tony does with his father.”

 

“You understand that some people just weren’t meant to be parents, don’t you?” Vance was so filled with love and pride in that moment; he wished that Jackie could see their beautiful daughter standing up for Tony. Thinking back, Tony had been the source of strength for both children. The first time they laughed after their mother died was when Tony was with them on a protection detail. Nobody realized it but Leon kept the pizza box that brought them so much joy under his bed as a reminder that despite all the complexities of life; it was very simple for children.

 

Standing in the hallway with his daughter, Vance was met with a scenario that was a bit conflicting and confusing to him. Anthony Senior sat looking out the window of his hospital room, a tear trickling down the side of his face that he hastily brushed away. Tear after tear was wiped from the side of the older man’s face; his moments of obvious reflection turning his heart inside out as a small sob escaped.

 

From the doorway, Kayla stood bouncing on her heels trying to decide exactly what was going on inside the subject of her anger’s mind. The sob knocked her off her game a bit. Unsure how to proceed, the young woman decided that she needs Knocking lightly, the young woman motioned for her father to remain outside the room.

 

“Mr. DiNozzo?” Kayla walked into the room slowly trying to give Tony’s father some time to compose himself.

 

“I’m sorry,” Senior struggled to pull himself together. “Do I know you?”

 

“No,” Kayla shook her head. “We haven’t met yet; I am a friend of Tony.”

 

“My son?” Senior sat up straight. “Is he okay? Have you seen him?”

 

“I have,” Kayla nodded. “He’s sleeping right now. He’s been very worried about you; it took a lot of convincing to get him to rest. Right now, he has a lot of people watching over him to make sure that he gets better.”

 

“Is Gibbs there?” Senior’s heart monitored picked up in tempo indicating that the man was a bit anxious.

 

“He is,” Kayla sat down beside the older man. “Agent Gibbs is taking very good care of him; I promise you that. He’s not left him to even sleep; he’s been there anytime Tony started dreaming or coughing.” Pausing Kayla watched as Senior processed the information before turning his head to look out the window again. “Mr. DiNozzo, the fire chief has been through Tony’s apartment; he didn’t find any signs that you were cooking dinner. Did you lie about dinner?”

 

“No,” Senior shook his head in a deep felt angst. “I had to run errands so I put it all in Vivian’s oven; she lives down the hallway. She was going to watch it for me so I could go get Junior’s cake and pick up the gift that I got him. I didn’t even get to pick up the gift yet. It’s paid for; do you think that you could get it for me? I don’t want them to put it back.”

 

“I can do that,” Kayla promised as she allowed the information to settle in. “Sir, your son loves you and wants a relationship with you but he’s been deeply hurt by you in the past. I’m worried that you might hurt him again; he doesn’t deserve to be hurt. You can’t keep doing that to him. He’s desperate to mend fences and work through the heartache and pain. I came here wanting to hate you; already hating now but now I just feel sorry for you. You don’t know how to even have a relationship with your son do you?”

 

“After his mother died,” Senior sighed. “I went into years, no decades of self-destruction and hatred. I hated my son for years because he was her world; the whole reason she fought as long as she did the whole reason she even bothered to stay with me all those years. After she died, I was left with immense guilt.”

 

“You should be telling your son all of this,” Kayla stopped the older man. “When you are released; he’s at Agent Gibbs’ house but he’s being taken care of by everyone in his life that loves him. You come and talk to him but if you hurt him; you will be carried out on a stretcher.”

 

“Ok,” Senior paused to study the young woman’s face. “You seem determined to make things right between my son and I.”

 

“For Tony’s sake; not yours. My mom was murdered two years ago,” Kayla explained. “When she died; I was left with so much pain because I didn’t get to say good-bye to her. I never ever again got the chance to tell her that I love her. I will never have a second chance to make memories with my mom: I will never ever be able to tell her that I am sorry for all the stupid fights we had to make sure that she knows how much she is loved and appreciated; how proud I am to be he daughter.”

 

“What do you want from me?” Senior’s eyes burned with tears and pain. “What do you expect of me?”

 

“I want and expect you to go see your son, I want you to tell him you are sorry and mean it. I want you to give him a chance to be a son; to feel the love a son should feel from a father. Some day you will be gone, do not leave him with painful memories where he wonders if he was loved by you. He loves you, Mr. DiNozzo, you have to stop making him prove it to you. You need to show him some love and mean it. You really cannot afford to wait, Mr. DiNozzo.”

 

“I will go see my son when I am released,” Senior promised.

 

“My father is an agent,” Kayla sighed. “He’s faced death a lot and survived; sometimes just barely. Every day when your son goes out doing his job as an agent; he risks not coming home. When he went looking for you in that fire, he could have died. He willingly would give his life for you; so you could live. He would jump in front of a bullet for anyone he loves; he’s just like that. You should take some time to appreciate your son; you may actually outlive him.”

 

Kayla’s words were like a punch to his stomach leaving the older man struggling to catch his breath. His son could actually die in the line of duty and he would be left with a grave to talk to instead of his son. Thinking back to the horrible things he had said to his boy in the years since his wife had died, the older man’s heart felt like it was dying in a sea of pain and negativity. He had to leave the hospital; he had to have the chance to talk to his son before it was too late. Ringing the call bell, the anxious man begged the nurse to find his doctor sooner than later.


	6. Chapter 6

Gibbs was totally and completely exhausted; the hours of staying by Tony’s side pulling him down physically and emotionally. Every dream, every twitch and moan tore at his heart; he couldn’t bear to see his agent in so much pain.

 

The taxi pulled up to the curb shortly afternoon breakfast, Tony’s father shuffled out in his crisp suit, clean shaven, ready to take on the world despite his most recent health scare. The door was opened for him; those watching over Tony not wanting his slumber disturbed especially when they didn’t know how he was going to react to his father’s presence.

 

Kayla stepped into the space between Senior and Tony; she wasn’t going to allow the older man in the living room just yet. “He’s sleeping,” Kayla explained. “He’s had a rough night; if you don’t mind please let him get some rest.”

 

DiNozzo Senior sat in the kitchen watching as the group that had gathered took turns tending to his son’s needs. His presence had not registered with his son and there was something keeping him from tending to the boy himself. It wasn’t something that went over well with the crowd, especially Gibbs.

 

“Boss!” Tony called out as his arms reached for the older man as he slept. “No, please get him out! Help me!” This dream was new; it certainly was more physical and violent than any of the others they had soothed him through. “No Boss! Please don’t do this to me! NO!”

 

“Tony,” Gibbs pulled the younger man to his chest. “I’m right here; I am safe Tony. Can you hear me?” Nothing was getting through Tony’s dream; he wasn’t registering his friend’s presence, he didn’t hear his father call out to him. The only thing he knew was the hell that he was suffering through.

 

Sprinting down the stairs to the basement, Tim returned a short time later with a mason jar filled with sawdust. Confusion colored the faces of those helplessly straining to find answers. “Gibbs,” Tim moved to kneel by his friend and his boss. Waving the jar of sawdust under Tony’s nose, he watched as his partner settled quietly. “He once told me, while on pain killers, that the smell of sawdust made him feel safe; that’s why he loves it here. You make him feel safe; you are home to him.”

 

Senior stepped two steps back like he had been punched in the gut; the clarity of the moment bruising his soul. He had made a total mess of his life with his son; his child grown up without his love and support, he’d become a man, a good man without his help. Looking around the room, Senior realized that Tony made a family and one that didn’t rightly include him. He was feeling complete heartbreak, isolation in a room full of people as he came to terms with the fact that he spent years tearing his son down instead of loving him.

 

“Boss?” Tony’s voice softly called out to Gibbs. A hushed voice whispered something to his son that his ears couldn’t pick up. It was as if time stood still as the elder DiNozzo bordered on misery from the pain of a lost relationship with his son. “Dad?” Tony’s voice broke through his thoughts and propelled him towards the bed. “You’re okay? Why aren’t you in the hospital?”

 

“They let me out, I am okay. Just need to be careful; they don’t know what set the seizure off. Said it may never happen again; sometimes the brain just short circuits and causes a seizure.” Senior was shaking with nerves as he stood at Tony’s bedside. The chair that was placed behind him was a welcome sense of solid ground, something tangible that he could hold onto.

 

“You should rest,” Tony’s eyes struggled to stay open. “Go get some rest; I am fine. Just need some sleep.”

 

“Son,” Senior pulled his chair closer. “Sleep now, it’s all okay. Nobody is hurt or in danger, it’s okay. You saved everyone, I hear you deserve a metal for what you did. I’m real proud of you, Anthony.”

 

“Was trying to get to you,” Tony yawned. “Needed to get you out; needed to make sure you didn’t die yet.”

 

“Why Anthony?” Senior sat back; he didn’t want to cause his son pain.

 

“Needed to know,” Tony’s body struggled against the strong wave of exhaustion that was washing over him. “Needed to know if you loved me.”

 

“I do,” Senior moved forward in the chair to be close to his son. With a nod of his head, Gibbs cleared the room to give father and son some privacy. With a squeeze of Tony’s arm, he moved out of the room along with the rest of those that loved the younger man. Senior was uncomfortable, he didn’t know exactly how to speak this son in the way the young man needed to be spoken to. “When I heard you were sick because you risked your life to save mine, I didn’t know what to do or say. Son, my life isn’t worth sacrificing your own, not after how I have treated you all these years.”

 

“Why did you hate me so much after mom died?” Tony’s words were slurred as the exhaustion mixed with medication took control of his body.

 

“She loved you so much,” Senior took a deep breath, his son only deserved the truth. “I was jealous; you gave her so much love and joy. I couldn’t compete with you; she didn’t even give me another look after you were born. Her life was consumed by you; the sun rose and set on her son. She never called you our son, just her son.”

 

“You hated me before I was born,” Tony whispered. “Made it clear on many occasions. I was just a baby, an innocent child whose world depended on you and mom. How could you hate someone that the world hadn’t even laid eyes on? What had I done by being born that was so awful that you despised me from birth?”

 

“Not birth,” Senior whispered. “Conception. I hated you from the moment she said she was pregnant but it wasn’t you that I hated it; it was the fact that her world shifted and I was not it anymore. I missed out on a lot of things, Anthony. I missed out on watching you grow into an amazing child then into a young man that saves lives and changes lives. I missed out on growing up with you; I missed out on a pretty amazing son. I am so sorry, Anthony. I am so so sorry.” It was his voice cracking and the trembling in his hands that showed his son his sincerity. “Can you forgive me?”

 

“Not promising anything but I can work on it,” Tony whispered as he finally lost the battle of consciousness; his body relaxing into a deep sleep. 

 

“How do I fix this?” Senior looked imploringly to Gibbs. “Is it too damaged to fix?”

 

“You be the father he needs, now.” Gibbs grunted. “He needs a great deal of care; be there for that; learn what it takes. Don’t run from this; stand up to it.”

 

“Get some rest, Gibbs.” Senior pointed to the sofa. “I’ll sit with our boy; make sure he’s okay. Promise to wake you if he’s not or something changes.”

 

“Ducky and Palmer are here to help with the medical stuff,” Gibbs pointed across the living room. “His main doctor comes in and out; Dr. Pitt; don’t piss him off. He already doesn’t like you.”

 

Senior sat with Tony just watching as he slept; the first nightmare came within an hour. Tony tossed and turned, his body twisting and fighting against the demons in his sleep. It didn’t take long for Senior to realize he was out of his depth when it came to his son. Trying to soothe him with a touch caused the young man to flinch and cry out as if he had been struck.

 

“I’m sorry, father.” Tony whimpered. “Please don’t beat me; I’ll be good.” 

 

Drawing his hand back, Anthony DiNozzo Senior fell off the chair trying to scramble away; trying to reach the only person that he knew could manage his son. Gibbs was already on his feet when he heard Tony cry out. Soothing his boy back to sleep; Gibbs sat in the vacated seat and just held Tony’s hand tight. 

 

“I don’t remember,” Senior’s voice cracked with pain. “Why can’t I remember abusing him?”

 

“Because you were drunk,” Pitt stated as he made his way to his patient. “You spent years in the bottle, Mr. DiNozzo. Do you remember any of these scars?” Pitt turned Tony on his side to show his father his back. “Do you remember whipping him over the Halloween costume that he made out of your suit? You remember whipping him and then throwing him into his room and locking the door. Two days, no food or water; nobody checked on him. Finally your staff found him and took him to a doctor; do you remember any of that?”

 

“No,” Senior wiped at his tears. “He told you that?”

 

“When he was battling a raging fever as he fought for his life.” Pitt examined his patient with gentle, practiced hands. Hands that soothed and comforted; hands that brought love and healing not pain. The longer Senior stood by watching Tony’s loved ones care of him, the easier the decision came. He had to take care of his son; there was only one thing that he could do in order to give Tony closure and healing.

 

“Can I sit with him?” Senior pointed at the chair by the bed. “Just for a few minutes.” Taking a seat by his son, Senior sat in silence just hold his boy’s hand until Tony’s eyes opened and focused on him. “Hi Son.” Senior’s face was wet with freshly cried tears.

 

“Dad?” Tony’s shaky hand made contact with the wet cheeks of his father. “What’s wrong?”

 

“I hurt you,” Senior sobbed. “I can’t forgive myself for hurting you. Anthony, you have scars on your body that I put there. You have painful reminders of the anger and rage I harbored for you. Every single day you have to look at those knowing I put them there in anger and hatred. I can’t fix it; it’s inexcusable. What I did to you, Anthony, I cannot take back. I cannot fix.”

 

“You’re getting ready to leave again; aren’t you?” Tony struggled to sit higher. “You are going to turn tail and run like a coward instead of staying here and trying to work through it. What is it about me, dad? What is it about me that keeps you from loving me? What keeps you from being proud to have me as your son? I have tried hard to figure it out and I can’t; I don’t know what I did that was so wrong that you can’t love me.”

 

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Anthony. Nothing at all, you are the best thing that your mother and I created. Your life would be better without me in it, son. You have a family here that loves you and needs you. You have a family here that would do anything for you.” Senior looked at the spectators in the room. “You are where you belong now; you are where your mother would want you to be at this stage of your life if you cannot be with her.”

 

“Then prove it to me,” Tony moved to stand only to collapse into his father. “Don’t let me go; please don’t let me go.”

 

Sinking to the floor with his son in his arms, Anthony DiNozzo Senior realized exactly how desperate his son was for his love. As he rocked his sobbing child in his arms, it was then that he realized the desperation that he felt when it came to loving and being loved by his son. Things were a mess but he was willing to learn how to make them better and he was lucky enough to have a whole house filled with guiding hands to help him get it right.


End file.
